Everyone Has Their Problems
by XxBlaHbLAhBlaHxX
Summary: A new girl comes to Degrassi with some dark secrets of her own. A dramatic year is in store for everybody at Degrassi! ElixOc, AllixDrew, K.C.xClare, and maybe AdamxJenna in the future! Please read and review!
1. Chapter 1

First Day.

Part One.

School. I hated it. Especially when you have to start all over in tenth grade in a new school, and you don't know anybody. I was trying to open my gray locker but it was stuck, almost as if it was nailed shut. I flipped my medium length brown hair out of my face, and let out an annoyed sigh. After a few more moments of struggling, I crossed my arms and glared at the locker.

I hadn't noticed a boy watching me two lockers down with his arms crossed, leaning against the lockers with an amused look on his face.

He walked over and asked "Do you need any help?"

He had longish red brown hair covered by a gray beanie. He also had blue eyes and freckles, and had slightly feminine features. He was wearing a green sweatshirt and jeans. "Yeah" I replied "That'd be cool. I'm Emily by the way." I smiled at him, trying to be friendly since I was new and needed friends.

He smiled back and introduced himself. "My name's Adam, are you new? I've never seen you around before."

Well, I thought, so far so good. I wasn't very popular where I came from so it was nice having someone trying to make a conversation and become friends.

"Yeah, I'm new." I answered.

"Where did you move from?" Adam asked.

"" I said. "Now how about we try to get this stupid locker open?"

He laughed and said "Alright, on the count of three we pull as hard as we can!"

I laughed and we put our hands on the handle.

Adam started to count "One, two, three!" We both pulled on the handle but it wouldn't budge.

Adam looked up at the locker in confusion as to why it was stuck.

"See?" I said "It's defective!"

Adam laughed and was about to respond, but saw two people coming down the hallway. "Hey Clare! Hey K.C.! What's up?" He called and they walked over

. The girl I assumed was Clare had short, curly, red hair and pretty blue eyes. She looked to be about 5'4, three inches taller than me. She was wearing flared jeans, a flower patterned shirt, and a denim jacket

. The boy I guessed was K.C. had long sandy colored blonde hair, also covered by a beanie much like Adam's. He was wearing a dark blue T-Shirt and jeans. He was very tall and looked like a skater. His arm was slung over the girl's shoulders. I thought they made a cute couple.

"Hey Adam, how's it goin'? Who's this?" The boy asked.

The girl smiled at me and said "Hi! I'm Clare Edwards."

"Hey, I'm Emily DeMille." I said and smiled back.

"I'm K.C., Are you new here?"

"Yeah, she is." Adam cut in. "She was trying to open her locker so I tried to help, but it's stuck." He explained.

K.C. and Clare looked at my locker, and K.C. got look of recognition on his face.

"I had this locker last year" He said "There's a certain way to open. Put in the combination and I'll show you."

I put it in and stood back, making room for K.C. He showed me that I had to pull the locker door up before pulling it out to open.

"Thanks! What classes do you guys have next?" I asked.

Adam had science and K.C. had math.

Clare looked at my schedule and said "Oh I have global history next, too! My friend Alli is also in that class so you can meet her!" She said enthusiastically.

Her and K.C. hugged and gave each other a peck on the lips.

I said "See you guys later!" and waved to Adam and K.C. while walking off with Clare.

She showed me to the class and we walked inside. She waved to a small Indian girl who looked at me with curiosity. She was wearing a hot pink shirt, skinny jeans, and high heeled black boots. She had medium length black hair and big brown eyes.

"Who are you?" She asked.

"My name is Emily, I'm new here." I replied and smiled at her.

Her eyes brightened and she introduced herself as Alli. She asked me where I moved from, and why. She seemed to like meeting new people.

"I moved from because my dad got a good job offer here. My stepmom found a pretty good teaching job, too."

Clare got a look on her face when I mentioned the word 'stepmom'.

She asked "Your parents are divorced?".

Alli said "Clare! She might not want to talk about it!"

Clare looked down, a little guilty that she offended me, which she didn't. Although, I was curious as to why she was even interested.

"Yeah, they are." I said "My mom also got remarried to my stepdad, but then divorced him."

I smiled as though I didn't care. I didn't like people knowing my true emotions. Clare and Alli smiled, but looked a little surprised.

"Wow! Um, when did your mom and dad get divorced?" Clare asked.

She seemed quite interested in the subject of divorce, and I wondered why, but then figured it was none of my business.

"When I was five months old. My mom and stepdad got divorced when I was around nine years old." Both girls looked surprised and the bell rang, signaling it was time for class to start.

Alli and I were sitting in desks next to each other with Alli on the right. Clare was sitting in front of me.

As the teacher, I guessed since that was the name on my schedule, walked in, Clare asked "Do you want to sit with the rest of us at lunch?"

Alli nodded her head, grinning at me in approval. I took her offer, happy that I had already made friends. Clare, Alli, Adam, and K.C. seemed nice so I was eager to meet the rest of the group. lectured us on the class expectations for the rest of the year. Clare seemed to be in deep thought, and Alli was texting underneath the desk. I was surprised they had accepted me. I was wearing skinny jeans, converse, and a black hoodie with neon paint splatters all over it. I was chunky also. I know that a lot of girls say that but I really am. I'm fine with it though, and I don't really care what other people think. Well, at least that's what I told myself.

The bell finally rang, ending class. Alli, Clare, and I walked out together and walked to Clare's locker which was right across the hall.

"What's your next class?" Alli asked me.

"Transitional Algebra." I said "I was failing geometry so now I'm taking an easier class. My grades are important to me so yeah…" I said trailing off.

It was true, my grades were important to me. I wanted to be perfect and live up to my family's expectations.

Clare nodded her head, and said "Yeah my grades are important to me, too. So, anyways, do you want to meet at your locker before lunch? We'll meet K.C. and the others in the cafeteria."

I smiled and said "Sounds great!"

Alli and Clare smiled and waved at me before going their separate ways. I made my way through the crowded hallways trying to find my math classroom. I finally found it at the end of the hall.

I walked into the room and saw that there weren't many people. I took a seat in the middle of the class and doodled on my notebook until the bell rang.

The teacher, , stood up from her desk and announced "Good morning class! I hope you all had a fantastic summer! Now everybody stand up, please, I am going to give you assigned seats!"

A few students groaned in protest, but since I didn't know anyone in this class, I didn't give a damn where I sat. started calling out the names of the students that were to sit in the first row

"Devin Field, Ricky Sanchez, Susan Peters, Mark Fitzgerald"

"It's Fitz" the guy interrupted.

"Okay then." said and began calling out the names of the people that would sit in the second row "Megan Williams, Jake Kirsch, Daniel McIntyre, and Lisa Waldbaum. Now in the third row" she continued "Drew Torres, Emily DeMille"

Once I heard my name I went to go sit in my assigned seat. She called the name of the last person in the class, Bianca DeSousa, who took her seat in the back of the fourth row. Wow, I thought, there are only sixteen people in this class. The teacher droned on about what she expects from us for the rest of the year when finally the bell rang. Two more periods and then lunch!

I was trying to find the science classroom when I accidently bumped into Alli.

"Oh I'm sorry!" I apologized "Are you okay?"

"Yeah I'm fine!" she laughed "Are you lost?"

"Yeah, here's my schedule. Do you know where my science room is?"

"Here, let me see." She took my schedule and looked it over.

While she was doing that, I noticed how tall her heels really were. Without then she was probably my height.

"I'm in your chemistry class! Follow me!" she grinned and led me to our class.

Once we were in the classroom she waved to a girl with long blonde hair and blue eyes, who smiled and waved back. She was wearing skinny jeans, knee high black boots, and a white shirt.

"Hi Jenna!" Alli walked over to the girl, pulling me along with her. "This is Emily, she's new here! Emily, this is Jenna!" She said, introducing us.

Jenna smiled and asked "How do you like Degrassi so far?"

"It's okay. I mean I've been here for two periods."

We laughed and Alli and I sat down next to Jenna, Alli being in the middle. The desks were lab tables so three students each could fit at one.

The bell rang and our teacher, Mr. Waterbury, gave us the same talk about class expectations that my previous teachers had already given their classes. I began writing on my binder again. Alli was texting under the table again, like she did in global. Jenna had a distant look on her face and was staring into space. The rest of the period went on like this until the bell rang again, and we walked out of the room together.

"Me, Jenna, and Clare are going to meet you at your locker before lunch next period. The whole school has it fifth period every day. We'll see you then okay?" Alli said.

I smiled and said "Okay, see you guys then!"

Jenna, Alli, and I waved and went to our classes.

I walked into my English class and saw Adam and K.C.

"Hey guys!" I walked up and greeted them.

"Hey Emily, what's up?"

Adam asked me how school was going so far.

"Any more locker troubles?" K.C. teased. All of us laughed and I took a seat behind Adam.

"Nope" I said back, "I only go to my locker before first period and before lunch"

"Oh" they said back

"Did you make anymore friends?" Adam asked.

"Yeah actually, her name is Jenna Middleton. Do you guys know her?"

"Yeup!" Adam said and K.C. nodded.

As the bell rang, they turned around, and walked to the front of the room. While she talked, most of the students, including me, started drawing or texting amongst other things. She talked for a while longer and finally the bell rang!

"See you guys in a little bit!" I said to Adam and K.C. while walking out of the room.

I walked through the halls, trying to dodge the crowds of people. I got to my locker, grabbed my lunch, and waited for Alli, Clare, and Jenna.


	2. Chapter 2

First Day.

Part Two.

Jenna, Alli, and Clare finally appeared.

"Hey Emily, how's your day going so far?" Clare asked.

"Pretty good! What about the rest of you?" I asked, shutting my locker.

We started walking towards the cafeteria. I never really liked the way school lunch rooms smelled and I could smell it already.

"Ugh, I hate our math teacher, . He was my teacher last year so he already hates me." Jenna complained.

Clare smiled and said "Oh come on Jenna, he doesn't seem that bad!" trying to cheer Jenna up.

"Yeah I had him last year, too. I have Mr. Greene this year though. Ronson is strict, but just try to get on his good side. Ya know, start with a clean slate." Alli advised.

"Who's your math teacher Emily?" Jenna asked, not wanting to talk about anymore.

". She seems nice I guess." I said.

"Oh we all had her last year! I loved her, she's a great teacher!" Clare exclaimed.

"Oh my God, you're so lucky! She's awesome!" Jenna said smiling at me.

"That's good to hear! I sometimes piss off my teachers, but I'm hoping I won't do that this year." We all laughed.

Alli said "Don't worry, she's cool. And when I looked at your schedule I don't think I saw one mean teacher!" She gave me a reassuring smile and I smiled back. We walked into the cafeteria, and I followed them since they looked like they knew where they were going.

When we arrived at the table, Alli motioned for me to sit next to her. I recognized Adam and K.C. The boy sitting next to Alli looked familiar. He had short dark hair, tan skin, and brown eyes. He was muscular and had on a plaid shirt with the first few buttons opened and jeans.

Then I saw a boy that I didn't recognize at all. He was, to say the least, extremely attractive. He had long black hair and gorgeous green eyes. He was wearing black skinny jeans, a Marilyn Manson concert T-shirt, and a black blazer.

I'll admit I was attracted to him, but after what happened with James I didn't want a relationship. I wasn't ready for one. In fact, being close to a guy scared me a little now.

Alli broke me out of my daydream by saying "Drew, Eli, this is Emily DeMille! Emily, this is Drew Torres and Eli Goldsworthy!"

The name Drew rang a bell. He was looking at me trying to figure out where he had seen me before, and I was doing the same.

We then simultaneously exclaimed "You're in my math class!" and we laughed.

"You sit behind me right?" Drew asked and I nodded.

"Well it's nice to meet you" Drew stuck out his hand for me to shake and I hesitated before doing so.

"So how do you like Degrassi so far?" He asked.

"It's okay. I'm still getting used to everything." I answered.

"Where'd you move from?" Eli asked, joining the conversation.

"." I said and smiled.

For the rest of the lunch period Alli filled me in on everyone at the table, with Clare and Jenna adding the occasional comment. Clare and K.C were talking to Jenna about their teachers so far, Adam and Eli were talking about comic books, and Drew was listening to his iPod. By the end of the period I knew that Drew and Alli were going out, and Clare and K.C. were going out thanks to her and Jenna. When Jenna wasn't listening, Alli told me that she and Adam would make a cute couple. While she was busy talking and eating, I noticed Eli looking at me a few times. I was happy, yet uncomfortable at the same time.

At the last five minutes of the period I exchanged phone numbers and aim with everyone. Everyone meaning Alli, Jenna, Clare, K.C., Drew, Adam, and Eli.

The bell rang and I was disappointed that lunch had gone so fast. However, I was glad that I didn't have to smell the cafeteria anymore.

I had Spanish next and I internally groaned. I despised Spanish class. None of my spanish teachers ever liked me. When I walked into the class I went straight to the back, and sat down. I didn't know anyone in this class, so while other students chatted away about their summers, I sat silently waiting for the bell to ring. When it finally did, a short, fat woman walked in and said

"Hola, Me llama "

She then started talking about the same thing all my other teachers did. I blocked out her voice by listening to my iPod for the rest of the period.

The bell rang, and I looked at my schedule and saw that I had gym next. I loved gym, but I hated changing my clothes so I usually just put baggy sweatpants over my jeans and changed my shirt. I didn't have to worry about changing yet though because since it was the first day, we didn't have to change. I also had gym every other day, so tomorrow I had chorus. I walked into the gym and saw Alli, K.C., Eli, and Drew sitting on the bleachers.

"Hey guys!" I walked over and said, smiling at them. They all smiled back.

"Hey Em, how was Spanish?" Alli asked.

I said "It was fine. I got bored so I listened to my iPod the whole time." And we laughed. The guys continued with their conversation they were having before.

"Spanish bores me, too" Alli said "You can drop language as a class next year. I can't wait!" I chuckled at her.

She asked "Do you wanna come over after school today? Clare and Jenna are coming, too."

"Sure!" I said.

"Great! My older brother, Sav, is gonna drive us all." She said and smiled.

"Okay cool. Should I meet you at your locker or somewhere else?" I asked.

"The front of the school." She said.

I moved in the middle of the summer so I knew my way around pretty well. I was pretty positive I could find my way back home without getting lost.

We talked about teachers we had for the rest of the period. She gave me information on all of mine, and from what she said they all seemed pretty nice. When the bell rang, she walked over to Drew and called out me "Remember to meet me by the front of the school!" and waved.

As I was walking into the hallway, I tripped and fell into the person in front of me. He turned around and I realized it was Eli.

"Oh crap, sorry! I did that to Alli earlier today, too." I apologized and laughed.

"Aw I thought I was special and then you go and tell me you bumped into Alli." He teased and smirked.

I rolled my eyes while still smiling and asked "Where are you headed?"

"Criminal justice. How 'bout you?" He replied.

"Oh, same here." I said.

"Cool. I took it last year, too. All we do is talk and watch law and order episodes." He said.

We walked into the class and I took a seat in a desk all the way in the back. Eli took the desk next to mine. The bell rang and the teacher, Mr. Davidson, began the 'class expectation' lecture that most students didn't even listen to.

Eli whispered to me "So why'd you move?"

I whispered back "My dad got a better job here and eventually my stepmom found one, too."

He thought for a moment before asking "Why do you live with your dad and not your mom? I mean, isn't that what the situation usually is?"

Damn, I thought, I was hoping no one would catch on. It's not a big deal. It's just that I hate explaining things and my family is definitely something that takes a while to explain.

I shrugged "I'm not sure."

He looked at me oddly "How can you not know?"

I wasn't lying. I honestly wasn't sure what happened between them since I was so young.

"I was five months old when it happened. I don't exactly remember back that far. And I said that I wasn't sure, not that I'm totally clueless and don't know a thing." I chuckled.

Some of the confusion left his face and was replaced by surprise.

"Oh. And I didn't say totally clueless you're taking words right out of my mouth!" He joked.

I chuckled and we stopped talking. Eli was daydreaming. It was obvious because he had a blank look on his face. I took out my iPod again and pressed play. We stayed like this for the rest of the period. The bell finally rang!

"I'll see you later. I have to go meet Alli, Clare, and Jenna by the front of the school." I smiled and walked off, heading towards the front doors. I sat on the steps, off to the side so I wouldn't get trampled, and waited for Clare, Jenna, and Alli to show up. I soon saw Clare and Alli walking up to me.

"Hey! Jenna should be here soon, she just needed to ask Mr. Ronson something" Clare explained.

"Okay" I said.

"So how was your first day at Degrassi?" Clare asked.

"It was okay. From what Alli told me my teachers are good and Thanks to you I have friends!" I replied brightly and grinned.

Before she could say anything else, Jenna came walking up to us.

"Sorry that took so long! I was asking Ronson if we really had to bring in all those supplies and he said we did, but I am so not carrying in all those notebooks and binders everyday!" She said rolling her eyes. "He's so strict. Emily, you're so lucky you have ! She's really nice!"

Clare and Alli nodded their heads in agreement and Clare asked "Where's Sav?"

Alli said "He's getting the car from the student parking lot. I can't believe mom and dad actually let him drive it, even if it is just for school."

"Yeah didn't your parents used to be really strict but now they're getting better?" I asked. Alli had told me about this during lunch.

"Mhm. They used to be extremely controlling, but they've loosened up. They're still strict, but not unbearably like they used to be." Alli explained.

I nodded my head and saw a car pulling up to the school.

"There he is! Let's go!" Alli said.

I followed the girls to the car, happy that I finally felt like I belonged.


	3. Chapter 3

The Bhandari Residence.

Jenna, Clare, and I all squeezed into the back seat while Alli sat up front with her brother. I could see the resemblance between them. He had black eyes, short black hair, and dark skin. He was wearing a white shirt, and jeans.

Alli smiled at him and said "Sav, this is Emily. She moved here from ! Emily, this is my brother Sav!"

He grinned and said "Nice to meet you"

"You too." I said and grinned back.

Alli continued to chat his ear off about her first day back at school. I noticed that she was very talkative. Clare and Jenna would occasionally add something to the conversation, too.

I stayed quiet and watched the passing scenery from the car window. The leaves on the trees were just beginning to fall, a sign that autumn was coming soon. I was happy about that since fall was my favorite season. It was beautiful outside.

Sav pulled into the driveway and we got out yelling our thanks to him.

"You're welcome!" He called back and we were already at the front door.

Alli pulled her key out of her pink purse and opened the door. She led us inside and up the stairs to her room.

Her room matched her perfectly. The walls were painted hot pink and orange, which seemed to be the color scheme for the entire room. She had a matching bed spread and pillows, and two bean bag chairs on one side of the bed. One orange, and the other hot pink.

Jenna sat on Alli's bed and Clare sat in the orange beanbag chair. I took a seat in the pink one next to Clare. Alli walked over to her mirror and started fixing her hair and makeup.

"Oh my God. Didn't Drew look incredibly sexy today?" She asked in a bubbly tone.

"I guess but I think K.C. looked adorable with the hat on that I got him!" Clare gushed.

"You better get used to this, Em." Jenna said "It's all they ever talk about!"

We all laughed and Alli threw a pillow at Jenna, still smiling. Jenna caught it and stuck her tongue out jokingly.

Alli pouted and crossed her arms. "We do not!" she said and then laughed.

She then turned back around and continued doing her make up.

"So Emily, did you see any cute guys today?" she said raising her eyebrows in a suggestive way. Clare and Jenna looked at me, waiting for my answer. I thought of Eli and blushed. I felt my cheeks get hot, and I hoped they didn't notice.

"Oh Em, you're blushing! Who is it?" Alli asked.

"I'm not blushing." I said, trying to lie my way out of it.

"Emily we're not blind. Now spill! Who is he?" Jenna said.

"It's really not important guys. And besides, I don't even want a boyfriend right now!" I exclaimed.

Alli looked at me incredulously. "How can you not want a boyfriend?"

"I just don't. Oh and by the way I like your boots." I said.

"Don't change the subject. You obviously like _someone_ since you blushed when I asked."

"Just because I think a guy is cute doesn't mean I wanna go out with them." I reasoned.

"This is true, but if you think he's cute then at least talk to him and get to know him. Maybe after you get to know the guy you'll end up liking him and then going out." Jenna suggested. Why aren't they giving this up?, I thought.

"It's just that I don't think I'm ready for a relationship." I said.

Alli looked at me and said "You have had a relationship before though right?"

"Of course!" I said "It's just that the last one I had didn't end up to well."

Jenna sighed and said "What happened? Did he cheat on you or something? If that's it then you can't judge all guys by what one jerk did."

"No, that's not what happened." I said looking down.

I noticed that Clare hadn't said anything this whole time.

She finally spoke "Emily. Did he, um, try to make you do something that you didn't want to do?"

I was surprised she guessed correctly. "Yeah it was pretty much like that."

Jenna and Alli exchanged looks of surprise, and came to sit on the carpeted floor by Clare and I.

"Do you wanna tell us what happened? We won't tell, we're not like that." Jenna offered.

"It's good to talk about it. My sister was date raped a few years ago and it really messed her up. She got better with time and now she's helping people in Kenya." Clare smiled, thinking of her sister.

"My God, that's awful. I'm really sorry. It's good that she's okay now though." I said.

"It's fine. It was tough but she got through it." Clare said.

"I once had a boyfriend and I felt like I needed to have sex with him for him to still like me. Once we did it, I realized that I didn't need to. You shouldn't ever feel like that in a relationship." Alli said.

"Yeah I know. I guess since you guys told me what happened to you, I'll tell you the story." I said.

They looked at me and I started.

"It was about four months ago, on a cruise. I met this guy named James. I hooked up with him, thinking that's all it was, until he asked me to be his girlfriend. I said okay since it was only going to be for a few days. He kept trying to make out with me, no matter where we were or who we were in front of and that annoyed me. I mean, really, people don't need to see that."

"I agree. It's not respectful." Clare said.

"Exactly." I continued. "He also kept trying to get me alone with him, like trying to keep us behind from the group we were with and that pissed me off, too. He kept asking if we could go to his cabin alone. I even told him I didn't want sex before marriage, and he wouldn't quit asking."

"Wow that really is annoying. You need time with your friends, too." Jenna said.

"Yeah. And he was overly romantic to the point where it was creepy and stalker-ish. He kept saying how he wanted to have kids with me and stuff."

"What guy actually talks about that stuff?" Alli said.

"Um, creepers?" Jenna said.

"Yeah he was a creeper. One of the nights, I was drinking with some friends and he was with us."

"Well this doesn't sound good." Clare said.

"Not really. Anyways, we went back to his cabin alone and he kept trying to have sex with me and get me to take off my clothes and basically do stuff I wasn't ready to do. I kept saying no, and he was on top of me, and he got his hands down my pants, but I pushed him off in time. I walked out and thank God it was the second to last night of the cruise. I know that not too much happened, but the experience was weird and I just don't want it to happen again." I finished.

"You're scared. And that's fine, I mean I would be, too." Jenna said.

"I'm not scared, I just don't want it to happen again." I said denying my fear.

"That's called being scared. And I already said I would be, too. It's not your fault what happened. Don't worry, you'll get over it with time." Jenna said, trying to help.

"I know. It's just that it messed me up. Now I'm extremely picky with guys and being around them alone for too long creeps me out." I stated.

"It will get better Em." Clare said.

"Thanks for listening you guys." I said smiling.

"Anytime! What are friends for?" Jenna said.

We all smiled and Alli said "So, back to the conversation we were having before, you never told us who the guy is!"

"Wow Alli. Way to kill a moment." Jenna said and we all laughed.

I looked back down and mumbled "Eli Goldsworthy."

"What was that?" Alli asked cupping her ear grinning wider. "I couldn't quite hear you"

"Oh come on Alli you heard me just fine." I complained.

We all laughed again and Jenna said "Ya know, I saw him looking at you during lunch."

"Oh and in gym!" Alli exclaimed.

"So? He was probably just wondering who I was." I said.

"Or he thinks you're pretty." Clare said smirking slightly.

"Did you guys not just here me say I'm not ready for a relationship?" I asked laughing.

"Just talk to him, okay? I can totally see you guys as a couple!" Alli said.

"Fine. I'll talk to him. But I'm not promising a relationship. Got it?" I laughed.

"Yay!" Alli squealed "And fine, but I guarantee you'll end up liking him. He's actually a really good guy."

"I already said I'll talk to him. Now can we please drop it?" I begged.

"Alright. Now we'll talk about how good a couple Adam and Jenna make." Alli said smirking teasingly at Jenna.

Jenna's eyes widened and she said "No way! I mean, he's cute but he only sees me as a friend. Nothing more. And plus I think he's hiding something."

"What would he be hiding? Everyone has their secrets, but I'm sure it's nothing too bad." Clare said.

"Exactly, and I see the way he looks at you! He definitely sees you as more then a friend. And you guys flirt so much, too so it's obvious you like each other!" Alli said proving a point.

"We don't flirt!" Jenna said defensively.

"Yes you do!" Alli and Clare said at the same time and all of us laughed.

"Okay time for a different topic! And maybeIlikehimalittlebit." Jenna said, slurring all her words together.

"Well since you somewhat admitted you like him, we'll change the topic." Clare grinned.

"I'm hungry. Let's go see what food there is." Alli said.

We followed her down to the kitchen and she started rummaging through the cabinets. She pulled out a bag of chips and put some popcorn in the microwave.

Before it was even done, Clare said "I have to ho home now. I'll see you guys later!"

"Bye Clare!" We called out after her and she got her stuff and left.

We heard the door close and we continued pigging out.

"Ugh" I said "I think I ate too much."

"Me too." Jenna said putting her hand on her stomach. "I feel like I'm gonna explode."

"Wow you guys didn't even eat that much!" Alli said still eating some chips.

"Well, we're not all stick thin bottomless pits." Jenna retorted, smiling.

"Stick thin? No. Bottomless pit? Hell yes!" Alli said and we all laughed.

Alli finally finished and got up to put the bag of chips back in the pantry, and put the empty bowl of popcorn back in the sink.

"I should probably get going now, too." Jenna said "I promised my dad I would be home for dinner."

"Yeah I should probably leave now also. Thanks for having me over!" I said.

"Anytime! See you guys tomorrow!" Alli said as Jenna and I walked out the door.

We walked together in comfortable silence until Jenna broke it.

"Do you think that me and Adam make a good couple? Be honest." She asked hopeful.

"Honestly I do." I said "I can definitely picture you two together. You admitted you like him so what's stopping you from going after him?" I asked.

"I don't really know. Back in middle school, before I came to Degrassi in ninth grade, I was a boyfriend stealer and skank. Now I can't even tell the guy I like how I really feel." She said.

"Well maybe that's because you really do care about him and you'll afraid he won't like you back. I'm sure he does though." I said reassuringly.

"Well this is my block. Thanks for the advice. I'm still gonna give it a few weeks though. I'll see you tomorrow!" Jenna said as she walked down the block and waved.

"See ya later!" I called back and started walking to my house, thinking of the days events.


	4. Chapter 4

Life Story.

I walked into my house to find that for once it was silent. My dad had a dentist appointment and my stepmom took my little sisters to cheerleading practice. I went into my room and laid on my bed enjoying the peace and quiet. While doing this I began to think about my family and my life.

I thought back as far as I could to when I was younger. My little sisters, Jessica who was eleven and Rose who was five, always got treated better than me. They were preppy, popular, cheerleaders. Everything my stepmom wanted. I, on the other hand, was a tomboy. I played softball and didn't have many friends.

When I thought of softball, I thought of my dad. Softball was the one thing that brought us together. He would practice with me, and we would laugh and talk. When I was twelve, he forgot to sign me up. Once I stopped playing, our relationship began to fade. It hurt a lot having the person closest to me become distant. I tried to become closer with him, but it wasn't like it used to be.

He began to try to get me to be the perfect daughter. He would tell me that I needed to work out or that I should do something about my acne, meanwhile I didn't even have any. He also wanted me to have the perfect grades, meaning nineties or above. I always tried hard, but sometimes it wasn't good enough. If I got anything lower than an eighty he would tell me not to become a screw up.

He favored my youngest sister, Rose. My dad said what happened him and my mom got divorced was that she said she wanted the car and the house and he wanted me. I used to believe it until my mom told me a different story. I felt stupid for believing him, and mad that he would lie.

Now my stepmom and I have never gotten along. She treated me unfairly and treated my younger sisters like princesses. In my opinion, she was trying to relive her life through them. She bought them everything they asked for, meanwhile I didn't have half the things they did.

Even my dad said the only time my stepmom and I communicated is when we fought. As bad as I felt for putting him in the middle, I wasn't going to stay quiet when she did something unjust. I stick up for myself. No one else in my family did so I did it myself. I honestly only think my dad married her because they had Jess, and because she had a house.

My sisters, as I have said before, are exactly the kind of daughters she wanted.

Jess and I got along well most of the time. We're two very different people though, and sometimes we had big arguments.

Rose and I barely talked. We weren't that close, probably because of the age difference. Although we did have our sisterly moments, we're not best friends or anything.

My sisters, stepmom, and dad all called me 'goth' or 'princess of darkness". It really annoyed the Hell out of me. I don't believe in labels. Just because I wore black a lot, didn't make me goth, it just meant I liked the color. It hurt me that I was such an outsider in my own family.

My mom and I used to not get along because little kids weren't really her thing. That's why my little brother annoyed her. As I got older, we got closer.

She said the reason I live with my dad was because she moved around a lot and didn't want me to live a life like that. Ever since she got a house that I love, she's been asking me to really consider moving in with her. It was a hard decision that I didn't want to make because whatever I said, someone would get hurt. If I chose to live with my mom, my dad would get hurt. If I chose to continue living with my dad, my mom would get hurt and I would probably continue to be unhappy.

Last, but definitely not least was my eight year old little brother, Johnny. I loved him with all my heart, and I was lucky if I saw him five days a month, and not even in a row. I went to my mom's every other weekend, and because of my mom and stepdad's divorce, he wasn't always there when I was. It had been a month since I last saw him and I missed him terribly.

My ex stepdad also had a new girlfriend, Mary, and she had an eighteen year old daughter, Gabby. I was upset that my stepdad was replacing me with Gabby, so the last thing I needed was for my brother to replace me with her. He saw her more than he saw me and I was so scared that she would steal him away from me.

When I was done reminiscing about the people in my family, I began to think about my secrets. The things that not one person knew about me.

No one knew about James until I told Alli, Clare, and Jenna. I didn't know why, but I felt like I could trust them.

The top thing that nobody knew about me was that I cut myself. I cut since I was about twelve years old and my arms were covered with scars. I began to cut only in one spot, and that spot was my left wrist. I would cut the veins, or I would cut on top, or on the side. It was amazing how much damage could be done to just one part of my body. I covered the cuts with a black wristband that I wore everyday.

I had reasons for why I cut. One was that it made me feel in control of something. My life felt like it was glass, being thrown against the wall, and shattered into a million pieces. Cutting mad me feel like I could finally have control over something. I couldn't control my parents divorce, or what was going on with my brother, but I could control this.

Also, if I was going to feel pain, I could at least control when I felt it. And I would rather feel physical pain then emotion pain. Physical pain took my mind off of emotional pain.

It also relieved stress. I also cut when I was stressed out. I didn't know why, but when I was stressed, cutting relieved a lot of the stress. I actually felt good, and it made me feel relaxed.

The second thing that no one knew about me was that I liked to drink alcohol. I would fill my propel water bottles with four loko, whiskey, or white wine. I had a few bottles of it stashed in my room, and I only drank a little at a time though. I would drink just enough to keep me relaxed and in a good mood.

That thing no one knew about me was dumb and I didn't know why I didn't want anyone to know. It was that I had horrible nightmares every night. It was rare that I went a night without being scared when I woke up.

Those were all the things that no one knew about me, and I wanted it to stay that way. I didn't ever want anyone to find out.

I snapped out of my thoughts when I heard the front door slam. I heard feet on the floor so loud they sounded like a stampede.

Rose came into my room and turned on a movie. My sisters are allowed to watch TV in my room whenever they want and treat my room however they want. I had argued with my stepmom and dad many times about it, but they refused to take it out.

I took a few swigs of four loko from the propel bottle. That should be enough to keep me calm, I thought. I put it back in my bag.

Just then, I heard a 'ding' from my laptop that my grandparents bought me for Christmas two years ago. I went to go see who it was.


	5. Chapter 5

Conversations with Adam and Clare.

I opened the laptop to see an IM from Adam.

A-Torres53- Hey! How was your first day at Degrassi?

E-DeMille101- Not bad. So…what do you think of Jenna? I saw you looking at her a lot today…

I replied, deciding I was going to help Jenna and Adam get together.

A-Torres53- I wasn't looking at her.

I rolled my eyes.

E-DeMille101- I'm not blind. But if you want my opinion I happen to think you guys would make a cute couple. =]

I was trying to get him to admit how he really felt and I hoped it was working.

A-Torres53- Well it's not like she likes me and I'm not right for her anyways.

E-DeMille101- Well I'm pretty positive she likes you! And come on how can you not be good for her?

A-Torres53- Because I'm just not. And how can you be so sure?

E-DeMille101- 'Because I'm just not' isn't a good answer. Try again. And just take my word for it, she likes you.

A-Torres53- I'll tell you why I'm not good for her if you tell me how you know for sure she likes me.

E-DeMille101- Okay, you go first.

I was trying to get him to tell me why he wasn't good for her without letting him know that Jenna told me she liked him.

A-Torres53- No that's fine, you can go first.

E-DeMille- Nope, you.

A-Torres53- Emily just tell me.

E-DeMille101- Fine. But you didn't hear it from me got it?

A-Torres53- Yeah sure, got it.

I hope Jenna doesn't get mad, I thought, after all it is for a good cause.

E-DeMille101- Today Jenna told me that she likes you but she doesn't think you like her back but it's obvious you do!

A-Torres53- Wait you're not just saying that?

E-DeMille101- Nope she really said that. Now tell me why you're not good for her!

A-Torres53- Yeah, about that…how judgmental are you?

E-DeMille101- I'm not really that judgmental at all so spit it out.

A-Torres53- Okay but besides my family (basically my parents and Drew), Eli is the only one who knows so don't say anything okay?

E-DeMille101- Don't worry, you can trust me.

A-Torres53- …I'm an FTM. Female to male transgender…

That took me by surprise at first but when I really thought about it, it did make sense. He had a slightly high voice for a guy. And the feminine features he had.

E-DeMille101- Oh. Well I'm sure Jenna would still like you even if you told her. Is there anything else?

A-Torres53- When I was a girl I used to burn myself but I stopped. I'm much happier now.

E-DeMille101- Well it's good that you stopped. Burning is a really bad thing to do. I really think you should tell her though.

I knew I was being a hypocrite when I said burning was bad, but I didn't really care. It's not like he knew.

A-Torres53- I don't know…can you tell her or something?

E-DeMille101- Seriously? Man up! She'll appreciate it more if she hears it from you.

A-Torres53- I guess you're right…

E-DeMille101- I know I'm right. So tomorrow you'll tell her?

A-Torres53- We'll see. And thanks.

E-DeMille101- No problem!

A-Torres53- Oh and I think Eli likes you a little bit.

E-DeMille101- I don't want a boyfriend right now. I'll admit he's hot, but I'm not ready for another relationship.

A-Torres53- Why not?

E-DeMille101- Gotta go, bye! Oh and good luck!

I signed off. The last thing I needed was more people knowing about James. I trusted Adam since he told me his secret, but I trusted the girls more. Even though I just met them, I felt like I knew them for a lifetime.

I heard my dad and stepmom arguing in the kitchen about something. I sat behind a wall, eavesdropping on the discussion. From what I could hear, it sounded like my dad kept a secret from my stepmom.

Personally, I didn't blame him. If one little thing goes wrong she goes psycho bitch on the world.

I went back to my room and took a few sips of four loko. I put on my black pajama bottoms with happy bunny all over them. They said 'It's cute how you think I'm listening'. Then I threw on my old black softball t-shirt.

I listened to my iPod until everyone shut up and went to bed. My room was the only one downstairs. Not to mention the smallest.

I took off my wristband and examined the cuts. I reopened a few of them by picking at the scabs.

My phone vibrated and I picked it up, looking at the screen. It was Clare. I was wondering what she was doing up at ten thirty, because she struck as more of the type that went to bed early.

It read 'Hey. What's up? =]'

'Nothing really. Why are you up at this time on a school night?' I texted back.

'I just can't sleep. Why are you up?'

Yeah right, I thought. 'I'm always up this late. And do you wanna tell me what's really bothering you?'

'Really? Don't you get tired in the morning?' She responded. I knew she was avoiding the question like I did earlier today with Adam.

'Nope, not at all. I love night! Now what's bothering you?' Little did she know that the only reason I didn't get tired was that I drank a lot coffee in the morning, mixed with a little bit if whiskey.

'What's so great about night?' She asked.

'Because it's quiet and peaceful and I can do whatever I want without getting caught.'

'Well isn't it quiet during the day, too?'

'I have a loud family.'

'What do you mean?'

'My stepmom yells a lot.' I answered, trying to give as little details as possible.

'Oh. So, what's it like having a divorced family?'

'That depends. Why do you want to know?' I texted back curiously.

'Well, my mom and dad haven't been getting along lately. I'm just a little nervous. What if they really do get a divorce?'

'Did you tell them that?'

'No.'

'You should. And if you don't want to say it out loud then write a letter, or send an email to both of them.'

'But what if they really are getting a divorce?'

I felt bad for Clare. She seemed like such a good person so I didn't know how something like this could happen to her.

'Wouldn't you rather know the truth? Listen, I'm going to bed. Now go write the email or letter, whichever you want. You'll get through it and I'm here if you want to talk. See you tomorrow!'

'Okay. Thanks Em.'

I set the alarm on my phone to go off at five in the morning. I then laid on the small bed that once belonged to Rose and pulled up the covers that once belonged to her, also. I fell into a deep, deep sleep, thinking of the days events.


End file.
